Election stress? How to keep your cool and your connections

The holiday season is just around the corner, and with it comes a packed social calendar - and the potential stress of navigating conversations with friends, family, and colleagues who see the world differently. Whether it's at the Thanksgiving table, office parties, or New Year's celebrations, differing views can sometimes turn festive occasions into something else entirely.

We've enlisted the expertise of Helen Dayen, Executive Coach and CEO of Dayen Group, to share her top strategies for finding common ground and keeping the peace. From family dinners to water cooler chats, Helen's insights will help you transform potentially tense interactions into opportunities for understanding and connection.

These strategies aren't just for holiday gatherings - they're invaluable tools for navigating our increasingly polarized world, especially as we approach another heated election season. Whether you're engaging with colleagues, friends, or social media connections, these skills can help you foster understanding and maintain relationships across ideological divides.

How to Talk to People Who Disagree with You (Without Losing Your Mind)

It’s that time again. The air is crisper, November is around the corner and the presidential election is weeks away. After that the holidays are around the corner, and so are the inevitable debates with family and friends about politics, policies, and personal beliefs. Let's face it: it’s not always easy to engage in a civil conversation with someone who sees the world completely differently. In fact, it can feel like you're walking into a UFC fight with your emotions as the fighter.

But here’s the kicker: it doesn't have to be this way. Before you step into the ring of family dinners or holiday parties where it may seem like everyone votes for the other candidate, let's talk about a few things to keep your sanity—and maybe even your relationships—intact.

1️⃣Step One: What’s Your Goal?

Be honest with yourself: what do you actually want out of the conversation? Are you looking to change someone’s mind? Prove them wrong? Show that you're "right"? If you answered “yes” to any of those, congrats, you’ve just entered the Stress Olympics. Why? Because those goals lead to more tension than Thanksgiving dinner needs.

Instead, try this: approach the conversation with a different goal. What if you could learn something new about why they believe what they do? Or, what if your goal was simply to explain your perspective, without expecting them to agree? When you shift your mindset to listening and understanding, the pressure cooker atmosphere drops a few degrees.

2️⃣Step Two: People Aren’t Their Opinions

In my work as an executive coach, I’ve seen countless examples of how conflict can either escalate or burn out based on how it’s handled. Often, the leaders I coach demonstrate remarkable skill in navigating tough, high-trigger situations. They don't try to control or change others—they influence with grace and empathy. Watching how they manage difficult conversations has taught me a lot about the power of staying composed and creating space for mutual respect, even in disagreement  and has been my secret weapon around the dinner table :)

Here’s the deal—just because someone’s voting for Candidate X doesn’t mean they agree with every policy of that candidate. Think about it: have you ever voted for someone without holding your nose on a couple of their policies? Of course! But it’s easy to forget this when you’re in the heat of a discussion.

Remember: people are more than their vote. If you can get past the surface-level disagreements, there’s often a deeper reason they feel the way they do. And that leads us to…

3️⃣Step Three: Empathy Is Your Superpower

Want to diffuse tension? Lead with empathy. It sounds soft, but it’s actually a power move. Everyone wants to feel heard, right? By listening intently and even mirroring back what someone’s saying (“I hear you, it sounds like this issue is really important to you because...”), you give them the space to feel understood.

It’s not about agreeing. It’s about acknowledging their perspective. You might be surprised at how much calmer and more open people are when they feel heard.

4️⃣Step Four: Don’t Take It Personally

Easier said than done, but let’s face it: just because someone doesn’t agree with you doesn’t mean they’re attacking you. They’re not. People have different life experiences, different values, different sources of information. Disagreement doesn’t equal disrespect, and if you can remind yourself of that in the moment, you'll avoid a lot of the emotional landmines.

5️⃣Step Five: Be Ready to Walk Away

This isn’t a Marvel movie where the villain gets convinced to change their ways in a single conversation. Some discussions will go nowhere, and that's okay. Know when to walk away. A great conversation goal is to plant seeds, not burn bridges. If things start getting heated, consider this the moment to graciously bow out.

So, as you head into the final stretch of the year and gear up for inevitable tough conversations, remember: you're not trying to win a debate. The real win? Preserving relationships while staying true to what matters to you. With the right mindset, empathy, and a little emotional armor, you can make it through this season’s conversations like a pro. Happy conversing, and remember: not every disagreement has to end with a mic drop.

Stay connected with Helen Dayen

Helen is the INFLUENCE Coach, bringing over 15 years of experience in sales and executive coaching. She specializes in enhancing executive presence and leadership for professionals in high-demand fields like finance, technology, and law. Helen guides clients to become impactful communicators and leaders during critical moments in their careers.

Learn more about Dayen Group

The Dayen Group is dedicated to fostering growth and resilience in individuals and businesses, emphasizing the importance of a motivated mindset and the value of people in achieving success.